


Don't Make Me Go

by thekingslover



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Breaking Up & Making Up, Established Relationship, Ficlet, M/M, Making Up, Misunderstandings, Sleep Deprivation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-25
Updated: 2020-08-25
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:21:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26107126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thekingslover/pseuds/thekingslover
Summary: Dean’s so, so tired. Too tired to fight the familiar pull in his chest, the one that begs for the figure that fits the dip in the memory foam beside him. The figure that was human for a while, but became angel again and left him.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 4
Kudos: 84





	Don't Make Me Go

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on my tumblr thekingslover

Dean’s tired. He can’t remember the last time he’s slept a whole night, without tossing and turning, eyes squeezed shut, chasing away thoughts and nightmares long enough to relax.

In the morning, he drinks coffee after coffee to keep alert. In the evening, he downs beer after beer to do the opposite.

Again, tonight, he stares at the shadows on his ceiling. Beside him on the nightstand, the block numbers of his alarm clock beam, 3:12 AM.

He’s so, so tired. Too tired to fight the familiar pull in his chest, the one that begs for the figure that fits the dip in the memory foam beside him. The figure that was human for a while, but became angel again and left him.

He won’t beg. He _won’t_. But he wants to.

It’s two more weeks before he’s practically a zombie on his feet. He nearly gets his head chopped off on a hunt and Sam bans him from leaving the bunker like he sneaked out after curfew and is grounded.

He shuffles back to his room. He looks at that indentation and can’t pretend anymore. He’s so tired he nearly died.

“Cas.”

He waits for the flutter of wings. It doesn’t come.

“Cas. You got your ears on?”

Nothing.

Dean hangs his head. Of course Cas won’t come. Why would he? Last time Dean saw him, Dean cast him out with an angry, “I never want to see you again, got it?”

It’d been a horrible, terrible lie, bred in hurt and festered in self-loathing.

_Why wasn’t I enough? Why couldn’t I keep you?_

“Cas, please,” Dean says. “I know you’re pissed but –”

“I’m not ‘pissed,’” Cas says, suddenly behind him. “I never was.”

Dean spins. “What?” Cas - he’s here. He’s okay. He… looks terrible. Angels shouldn’t need to shave, but Cas’s beard is overgrown and patchy. His hair’s too long. His overcoat is wrinkled, and his whole body sags.

“I don’t want to stay away from you anymore,” Cas says, blue eyes wide. “Please don’t make me go.”

“Cas,” Dean says, then says again because it’s been too long. “Cas, I didn’t mean it. I never meant it. I just…” He shakes his head but its so hard to think clearly. His thoughts are muddy from sleep deprivation and his fingers itch to take Cas and hold him. He has to fix this first though. He shouldn’t have let it go this long.

“Why did you get your wings back, Cas?”

Cas’s frown only deepens as he says, “To protect you. The leviathan were coming and there wasn’t time to…” He shakes his head. “There wasn’t _time_. I wanted to tell you.”

Dean should have known. When has Cas ever done anything for his own self-interest? Everything he’s ever done has been to protect or save.

“I’m sorry,” Cas says.

“No.” Dean steps forward. He allows his itchy fingers to reach and press against Cas’s chest. He’s so solid. Real. “I’m the one who’s sorry. I thought… Well, to hell with what I thought. I was an idiot.”

“I love you,” Cas says.

Dean closes his eyes. The words wash him in warmth and he’s suddenly so relaxed he might fall asleep standing.

“I love you too.”

“Dean?”

“Mm’ sleepy.”

Cas must carry him to bed because when he opens his eyes, eyelids heavy, he is under the covers and Cas is in his usual spot beside him. His overcoat’s missing but his shoes are still on.

Dean holds his wrist where it sits between them on the mattress. “Stay. Please.”

“I won’t leave you again,” Cas says.

Dean closes his eyes and finally sleeps.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading :)


End file.
